7 Tips to Help a Widow

(From their perspective)

1.    "Please stay connected."  

     There is already a huge hole in our universe. 
Do not assume we need ‘space’ to grieve.

2.    "Please say you are sorry for our loss."  

     Do not tell us you understand. We would rather you tell us you do not know what to say, than tell us your story of losing your friend or close relative. We may be able to listen to your story later, but not now.

3.    "Do call and ask specific questions." 

     Do not say, “Call me if you need anything.” Do say, “May we go for a walk together?" "May I run errands for you?"  "May I meet you for coffee?"

4.    "Do refer to our husband’s acts or words, serious or humorous."

     We are comforted by knowing our husband has not been forgotten. Do not try to leave our husbands out of the conversation.

5.    "Invite us to anything."  

     We may decline but we will appreciate being asked.  Do not assume we no longer want to participate in couple’s events.

6.    "Do accept that we are where we are."

Marriages are brief, long, healthy, dysfunctional, intense, and as different as we are.  So is our journey through grief.  Do not assume everyone goes through the grief process ‘by the book.’

7.  "Do walk the talk." 

     Do not make ‘conversation only’ offers. For example, by saying,

     'I’ll call you and we’ll go out to dinner.' or 'I’ve been thinking of

     you.' and not follow up. We are sensitive in our grieving, but we’d

     rather hear you than not hear from you.