To Disciple A Child - God's Plan, Not Mine
I watched the new mother cradle her infant close to her breast. Her face was brimming with love and wonder as she gazed upon her precious little miracle from God. I knew instinctively what she was pondering in her heart as she rocked her newborn, for I too had once sat in that rocker, mesmerized by delicate skin, downy hair, a rosebud mouth, and trusting eyes. “Will I be a good mother? Will I be able to teach my baby the important lessons of life? Will my child always receive wisdom from me, so that I can make sure that the tiny hand that now clings to my finger will someday cling to the Heavenly Father’s hand with as much tenacity and unwillingness to let go? What exciting plan does God have for my little one? Will I be able to disciple and prepare my child to step into that plan? A new life…an empty canvass…days and days of yet unwritten pages…a masterpiece waiting to be molded…an arrow in my hand, waiting to be sharpened and aimed...” A parent might be overwhelmed if not for the grace of God empowering her with the wisdom of His Word and the guidance of His Holy Spirit!
What does it mean to disciple our children? How do we begin this monumental task? The answer is: One day (often, one hour!) at a time! The word disciple simply means “disciplined one.” A disciple is one who has chosen to lay aside his own self-centered desires, and embrace the disciplines, standards, and desires of his teacher (in our case, Jesus Christ). In Matthew 28:19, Jesus told us to make disciples of all nations and, as parents we have the awesome privilege of first fulfilling that commission in our own home!
If you’ve ever done a study on Jesus’ disciples, one of the first things you may have noticed is what a diverse group of individuals they were. Disciples come in all different shapes, colors, and backgrounds, bringing with them many distinct personality traits, character qualities, strengths, weaknesses, talents, and gifts. As every mother knows, this is not unlike our own children – I have repeatedly been amazed at how completely different children within the same family can be! Therefore, the “track of discipleship” will be somewhat different for each child.
Of course, every disciple of Jesus Christ must be trained in the foundational precepts and principles of the Word of God. No matter how unique his personality might be, each child will need to be trained and disciplined (under Mom and Dad’s ever-watchful eye) to say “No” to himself and “Yes” to God in every minute-by-minute choice he makes. We will cover some specific guidelines on discipline in an upcoming article, but today I would like to lay some foundations concerning how we parents can custom-design our discipleship training to touch the heart and God-instilled passion of each one of our uniquely different children.
God’s Specific Plan
The first thing we must remember is that God is the master architect. He has a specific blueprint for your child’s life. Did you know that ALL of your child’s days are already planned in God’s book?
For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful; I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16
Lord, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days…
Psalm 39:4
God will show you His specific blueprint for each of your children’s lives, if you ask Him. Deuteronomy 29:29 says, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you God’s special plan for your child. He is eager to show you a future that you could never even imagine! “As it is written: ‘No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him’- but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit” (1 Corinthians 2:9-10).
Don’t fall into the trap of mapping out your children’s lives without consulting their Maker! As parents, we must come into agreement with God’s plan for our children, NOT ask Him to bless our plans! We must be in partnership with Him in discipling our children, for He knows the end from the beginning. In the 46th chapter of Isaiah, verses 9 and 10, He says, “I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning; And from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure.'” It is our calling, as parents, to know and discern God’s vision and counsel for our child’s life and then to hold that vision up to our child as a path to follow throughout his or her whole life. “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” (Proverbs 29:18).
Know of a certainty, God created your son or daughter for a specific purpose…to meet specific needs of specific people.
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
Romans 8:29-30
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God brought your child to this earth with a specific destiny in mind. He looked out upon earth and time and, in His omniscience, He saw specific needs, plans, and purposes that had yet to be fulfilled. From the moment of conception, He began shaping your child’s character and personality to someday step into that role, meet those needs, and fulfill those plans and purposes. When our child is born, we parents must continue, in partnership with God, to shape, disciple, and build that unique character!
For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works, which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].
Ephesians 2:10, AMP
Names Mean Something
You may be wondering, “Will God really give parents all this revelation about their children?” The answer is a resounding “Yes!!” And in studying some examples from God’s Word, we find another key principle that parents (and parents-to-be) can apply, to their child’s advantage – names mean something!
Did you ever wonder why, in Genesis 17:4-5, it was such a big deal for God to change Abram’s name to Abraham (which means “father of many nations”)? God knows the power that is in the spoken word, even in a person’s name! Every time Abraham said or heard his new name, he was being given the blueprint, the vision, and the calling for his life. He was being reminded of who GOD said he was.
In Genesis 21:6, Sarah, who was far past childbearing age, had a specific direction from God to name her son of promise Isaac, which means “laughter.” “Sarah said, ‘God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.’” From that day on, laughter would resound whenever she spoke Isaac’s name – JOY in knowing what God will do for believers who walk by faith and not by sight! (2 Corinthians 5:7)
In Luke chapter 1, verses 13-17 and 59-66, we see Zechariah and Elizabeth breaking all accepted tradition and shocking the temple priests; for, instead of naming their baby after his father, they obeyed the angel of the Lord and gave him the name John, which means “God is gracious.” It was important to God that the purpose of John the Baptist’s life was proclaimed in his very name. He was to be the first herald of what we call the “Dispensation of Grace” – that our salvation would be bought at Jesus Christ’s expense, if we would but repent! (Luke 3:3)
In Luke 1:30-33 and Matthew 1:21-23, we again see another young mother-to-be instructed by the angel of the Lord concerning what to name her baby: “…You are to give him the name Jesus [“Savior, Healer”], because He will save his people from their sins.”
In reading these and other passages, it becomes very clear that even the names of our children can be instrumental in shaping them into the men and women God has called them to be. We would be mistaken in thinking that this kind of specific Godly direction is reserved only for special cases like Abraham, Isaac, John the Baptist, and Jesus. God has given us His Word to be a living example of how we are to live our lives!
And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
Hebrews 6:11-12
Our Heavenly Father wants to actually guide and direct you in what to name your child, so that his or her very name confirms and proclaims his/her God-given purpose in life! My husband and I have seen this happen with each of our children.
He Will Guide You Into All the Truth
In discipling and shaping your children’s character, let God give you the vision: “…everything that I’ve learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). “But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on His own; He will speak only what He hears, and He will tell you what is yet to come” (John 16:13). Mom (and Dad), don’t ever doubt that God will show you what that specific plan is! Of course He’s going to equip you to disciple your children! God knows that you are the ones who must shape and mold your children, preparing them to step into His perfect plan and purpose! Expect God to equip you! Listen for His direction! Watch for Him to lead you! He delights in partnering with parents to make disciples for His Kingdom!
What is at stake if we do not disciple our children? Here is a practical illustration: Most Christians have very strong convictions about the evils of abortion. And yet if we don’t truly come into partnership with God concerning His plan and purpose for our child’s life, but we instead try to raise him according to our own ideas, the result may be a spiritual abortion of our child’s life. The special plan and calling on our child’s life may never be manifested because we didn’t take the time to seek God or to disciple him/her according to the blueprint of God’s Word. Don’t allow a spiritual abortion of your child’s life!
Some Practical Steps
So, practically speaking, how does a parent use God’s blueprint to shape a child’s character? First, parents must open their Bibles, hit their knees, and hear from God concerning each son and daughter! God is actually waiting and expecting every believing parent to do this. Open your heart and hear what He is saying about your precious little ones!
Secondly, say what God says about your child. Speak it over him and to him. It’s never too early to begin speaking to your child! Start as soon as you know you are pregnant! My husband and I did this every evening, during my pregnancies.
Later, as your children grow, it is important that you speak to them what you want to see, not what you see! For example, “Johnny, I know that you are willing and obedient.” Instead of “Johnny, why do you have to be so stubborn and disobedient!”
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen [a child’s foolishness] is temporary, but what is unseen [his obedient spirit] is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7
This is what Abraham was commended for – he spoke of “nonexistent things that God had foretold and promised as if they already existed” (Romans 4:17, AMP). We must say to our child what God says he is, instead of constantly harping on what he isn’t. We must speak words of praise and encouragement when we can, instead of harsh, sarcastic, critical words. Let’s give our children the vision! Let’s paint the picture, using the Word of God!
Remember, we are molding our children’s characters, not with our hands, but with our words. The clay takes the shape of the mold. Our words are the mold!! If all we say are criticisms of their failures, then we will shape them into failures. But if our words edify and clarify whom God identifies them to be, then that is the identity they will take on. That is who they will become!!
Thirdly, write the vision that God has given you for your children. Habakkuk 2:2 tells us, “…Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run with it, who reads it.” Letters would be one form of “writing the vision.” Write letters to your baby-to-be and then begin reading those letters to your child as soon as he or she is born. Another exercise that many children enjoy is writing and saying Bible verses with their name inserted – for example, “Kaitlyn is willing and obedient and she will eat the best of the land” (Isaiah 1:19), or “Ryan obeys his parents in everything, for he knows this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). We need to keep the vision before their eyes!
Constantly remind your children of the special call of discipleship that is on each one of their lives. Speak about it, write about it, and rejoice over it when it manifests in their character. Help your child identify it when God’s special gifts and callings begin to show up in his life, so that he always knows that “it is God who is at work in him!” (Philippians 2:13) Show him that God is using him and wants to continue to use him in greater and greater ways! BE EXCITED!! Because of your excitement, your child will become very God-conscious and will look for and expect God to use him! He will become hungry for more of God in his life, even as a small child!
Partnering with God
Parents, we are so privileged and honored! We have been entrusted with precious, precious lives, sent by God to do specific works for His Kingdom! We are stewards of God’s children, not owners; therefore, as stewards, we must always go back to our Master and do His bidding, not our own. We must not labor in vain. “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1).
Our children are His to name, His to call, His to anoint. He has allowed us to be partners in this miraculous, deeply fulfilling process of making disciples within our families. Psalm 127:3-4 declares, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” So, Mom (and Dad), skillfully shape, sharpen, and aim your arrows. Surely, by God’s anointing, they will hit their bulls-eyes!!
Article by Karen Jahn, wife to Ed, mom to Sarah-Beth and Joshua, and editor for Dr. Thompson
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