A Passion For Purity
Part 1
“Anthony, you may now kiss your bride.”
When our daughter, Sarah-Beth, heard Dr. Thompson say these words on her wedding day, January 16th, 2009, she exuberantly received her very first kiss! After faithfully keeping her fourteen-year covenant of purity, she entered her marriage as a pure and spotless bride.
When witnessing something like this, many people, parents and youth alike, shake their heads and ask, “How can anyone possibly accomplish such a thing in today’s world?” Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). Because of her purity of heart, soul, and body, our daughter continually sees God’s fingerprints in her life. As Sarah-Beth’s parents, we would like to share what we did to help her receive this promise from God’s Word.
(As a side-note: Although this was written from the perspective of raising a daughter, the keys and principles apply to sons too. In fact, mothers of sons need to step it up! Far too often a double standard is applied, when it comes to the purity of a young man vs. the purity of a young woman. We are aware of several eligible young women who have kept themselves pure and are believing to marry men who have done the same. Sadly, they are discovering that such young men are alarmingly scarce!)
Before attempting to teach our children how to keep themselves pure, we need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. How can we expect our kids to believe that such things are possible, if we don’t even believe it ourselves? Parents, we must whole-heartedly embrace the following truths:
1. Children are imitators of parents.
Proverbs 23:26: “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.”
2. Parents have an innate desire to see their children happy.
3 John 4: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”
3. Parents must be parents (not “buddies”) and understand that their children have been loaned to them for an all-too-short period of time.
Psalm 127:3-4: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.”
4. Children have foolishness in their hearts and are not yet completed – that is why God made parents!
Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.”
5. Parents know their own children better than anyone else (better than any “professionals”).
Proverbs 1:8: “My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother.”
6. Parents WILL be held accountable for how they raise their children.
1 Samuel 3:12-13: “In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.”
7. Children have unique gifts and callings from God, and a wise parent attends to the full development of their children.
Psalm 139:16-17: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”
8. Parents have the grace (empowerment, equipping, anointing) available to do what God requires.
1 Corinthians 3:10: “According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it.”
In teaching our children about purity (and every other biblical principle), we always tried to keep these foundational truths in the forefront.
Philippians 4:8-9 instructs us, as parents, that we are to be examples of the purity that we desire our children to pursue: “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you” (NKJV).
Therefore, before ever coming to our children concerning the issue of keeping oneself pure in the years preceding marriage, we had to renew our own minds on the subject. Although I (Karen) was a virgin when we got married, we had both been raised to believe that it was perfectly acceptable to have teenage boyfriend/girlfriend relationships (and the emotional involvement that accompanies those relationships). However, when we later came to the Lord and began to study His Word, we discovered that is not what the Bible teaches.
As you dig into God’s Word, you will find that purity is not simply a physical issue. It is a heart issue (Matt. 5:8).
Physical purity is merely the overflow of a pure heart. 1 Timothy 1:5 says, “Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith.” The only way to successfully maintain physical purity is by refusing to allow your heart to become emotionally attached, involved, or entangled before the proper time (marriage). “Do not awaken love until the time is right” (Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4, NLT).
We would encourage you to start early in discussing the subject of purity with your children. It is not uncommon for toddlers and preschoolers to come home from school, daycare, or even church, saying things like, “I like Jason – he’s hot – he’s my boyfriend.” We have even heard parents join in and encourage this kind of talk, thinking it’s “cute”! These parents have no idea how they are setting the stage for later problems in this arena!
Instead, parents need to help their children learn to guard their hearts (not give their hearts away). Proverbs 4:20-27 says, “Pay attention, my child, to what I say. Listen carefully. Don't lose sight of my words. Let them penetrate deep within your heart, for they bring life and radiant health to anyone who discovers their meaning. Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do. Avoid all perverse talk; stay far from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil” (NLT). We frequently talked with Sarah-Beth about her commitment to physical and emotional purity. We commended her when she made the hard choices to stay emotionally unentangled in the whole boyfriend/girlfriend scene.
From a very young age, children can learn to understand that “boyfriend/girlfriend stuff” like holding hands, kissing, romantic hugs, love letters/texts, etc. are to be reserved ONLY for the person you marry. If you establish foundations of purity when your children are very young, they are much more apt to uphold these standards later in life. Don’t assume that such things are beyond your child’s understanding. Proverbs 20:11 says, “Even a child is known by his actions,
by whether his conduct is pure and right.”
Children must be given a vision of future maturity. They need to have a clear picture of what purity looks like (and what it doesn’t look like). Wise parents will paint this picture and constantly monitor their child’s heart. They will be diligent in daily “checking the pulse” of the heart of that child. In the same way that a man is instructed to “dwell with his wife according to knowledge,” (1 Peter 3:7) the parent and the child must have a similar type of transparency.
These are some of the things we did to establish firm foundations in teaching purity to our children. Next month, in Part Two, we will share some specific keys to instilling a passion for purity within your child.
Article by Ed & Karen Jahn, parents to Sarah-Beth & Joshua