You’re Engaged…Congratulations!!
Valentine’s Day is the most popular day for popping that big question, “Will you marry me?” When the answer is, “Yes!” excitement is everywhere as the two of you announce your engagement to family and friends. Once the announcement has been made, it’s time to start planning.
With so many wedding related television programs, many brides have fantasized about their weddings…flowers galore, lavish linens, designer dresses…it’s over the top and will take your breath away. These weddings cost tens of thousands of dollars (in some cases hundreds of thousands). Being realistic about the affordability of your day is a basic necessity in planning. The national average cost for a wedding is upwards of $27,000 (not including the engagement ring or honeymoon). Whether you are a bride having that over-the-top wedding or a bride who wants a small intimate affair, planning is key.
This article will be the first in a series to help you in planning your wedding day. Planning your wedding doesn’t have to consume every moment if you stay organized and use your resources wisely. This month’s article will focus on the most important factor in the planning process … “Laying the Foundation.”
Laying the Foundation
The most important part of your foundation and planning process comes at the very beginning. “The Planning Twins” – budget and size – will work hand-in-hand. I never recommend moving forward until a budget has been established. I have seen brides book locations for their events and later cancel (losing their deposits) because they were lead by emotion and excitement rather than the reality of their budget and solid planning.
Who will pay for the wedding? Years ago, it was traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for almost the entire wedding (The Traditional Division of Costs). Today, the trend has changed having no set rule but rather multiple scenarios –
• The bride and groom pay in full
• Both sets of parents divide the cost evenly
• Rule of 3 – evenly divided between bride and groom, bride’s parents, groom’s parents
• Parents offering to contribute to a select category (floral, photo, cake, etc)
• Grandparents contribute
How much?
Determining an exact dollar amount is vital and needs to be determined at the very beginning. Base your budget on what you and those involved can afford. If you are wondering if your parents are going to contribute, you may need to ask them (FAQ). If you are considering using your monetary wedding gifts to pay for your wedding…don’t be disillusioned – you probably won’t receive in monetary gifts what your wedding will cost. So, never consider it as part of your budget. Remember, your wedding day is one day of your life and you don’t want to begin your new life together in debt nor should you expect anyone else to be over-extended.
Fund Appropriation is needed to determine what is the most important element on your wedding day. For some couples it may be the photography, for another couple it could be the food. Together, determine what is important to you for this once in a lifetime day – spending more in that area if you spend less in another area (Prioritize).
To get an idea of the percentage and monetary break down of different budgets, choose an appropriate budget category (click on the amount below to see a breakdown of expenses):
$20,000 or less $25,000
$30,000 $40,000
$50,000 $75,000
When budgets go over $25,000, the percentages and dollar amounts shift and continue to change with larger budgets. To give you an example, if you are having your ceremony at a church, the set church fee will be the same whether you are spending $20,000 or $75,000 on your total wedding budget. However, the bride with the larger budget is probably making a larger donation to the church or giving a larger honorarium to the officiant. Likewise, the brides with the larger budgets are having more extravagant centerpieces, having a band rather than a disc jockey, and spending more on details – thus needing a larger percentage of their budget in that category.
A piece of advice I like to give my brides…don’t use credit cards! Couples that charge wedding related expenses usually exceed their budget plans. For those who want the “perks” of their credit cards (flyer miles, hotel upgrades, etc), just be sure to pay them in full for all wedding expenses when you get your bill.
The guest list can be a challenging part in your planning process. Create a preliminary list – you will be surprised by how many relatives and friends you’ve written down. Determine the “allotment” of guests. Divide it in 3 parts:
1) Bride and groom – friends
2) Bride’s parents – relatives and friends
3) Groom’s parents – relatives and friends
If your list is larger than you anticipated, everyone will need to edit and come to an agreed upon number of guests (FAQ).
Example: Everyone has agreed on 180 guests, which would be divided up at 60 guests for the bride and groom, parents of the bride and parents of the groom. But, the parents of the groom have 75 guests. It would be appropriate for the parents of the groom to pay the difference for their invited guests.
Never invite more people than you can afford or than a room can accommodate hoping they decline your invitation! The rule of thumb is that 20% of your invited guests will decline your invitation.
Purchase a Wedding Planning Book
These books are available in bookstores and on-line. Be sure to choose one with sections and pockets to organize notes, ideas, pictures (very helpful to florists and wedding planners to help them ‘catch’ your vision), receipts and contracts. Carry it with you to every appointment so you always have your wedding information readily available.
Couples, in their excitement, ask friends to be in their bridal party without truly considering the importance of this role. It is not necessary to choose your bridal party immediately after you become engaged – I like to encourage my brides (and the grooms) to wait and consider their choice. Ask yourself, will this person…
• Always turn us toward God and the Word
• Turn us toward each other
• Be committed to giving us the Word of God
• Uphold our marriage and our commitment to one another
• Speak the truth in love and be willing to correct us
• Be in our lives long-term
Also remember, there is a financial responsibility for those you ask. Your bridal party will be responsible for purchasing dresses and shoes, salon costs, renting tuxedos, and participating in the expenses involved in pre-wedding parties.
There are always alternative roles for friends who may not be able to be in the bridal party yet play an important part on your wedding day (FAQ).
Do keep in mind that once you have asked someone to be a part of your wedding party, you cannot renege!
Carry out the style of your wedding from beginning to end starting with the invitations. The invitation gives your guest the first glance of the formality and style of your wedding. The location (ballroom vs. community park or center) and bridal party attire will reflect the formality of your wedding.
*Formal Wedding
Takes place in a church, hotel or selected site. Wedding attire consists of full-length gowns. Bridal party has 4 – 8 attendants, child attendants, and ushers. 200 guests for an after six reception with a sit down dinner.
*Semi-Formal Wedding
Takes place in a church, hotel or site. Wedding attire consists of full or tea length dresses. Bridal party has 2 – 6 attendants. 75 – 200 guests for an after six reception with a sit down dinner (most weddings fall in this category).
*Informal / Casual
Takes place in any location. Wedding attire is open to any style you prefer. Bridal party can have as little as 2 attendants. Number of guests can vary and this can be a morning, afternoon or evening event with food service of your choice.
Date and Time
First, there may be a few considerations for when you want to be married ~
• Will you or those contributing need time to reach the financial commitment?
• Will weather play a part in choosing your date?
• Are there limitations because of your job or education completion?
You may want to start with a particular month of the year and when contacting your church and ceremony location, ask for the available dates during that time frame. When you call reception locations, you can pair up the dates that will accommodate your preferred wedding date. You cannot reserve any other vendors (photographer, florist, etc) until you have chosen your exact date. Couples are reserving locations a year or more in advance. Many popular locations can be booked as many as two years in advance.
Weddings booked January through mid-April (depending on your geographic location – (popular in the mid-west and wintry climates) may cost less, as many venues and vendors may be willing to give discounts because it is a slower season. (Exception for florists is Valentine’s Day – do plan to pay top dollar for flowers, especially roses, if you are planning a wedding around this time.)
Many reception locations offer lower guest minimums or monetary requirements for Friday, Saturday morning, and Sunday weddings.
There are a number of choices for wedding times. You can consider ~
• Morning ceremony with a brunch to follow
• Noon ceremony with a luncheon
• Early or late afternoon ceremony with hors d’oeuvres and desserts
• Late afternoon or early evening ceremony with a full dinner reception
• Late evening ceremony with an hors d’oeuvre reception
(go heavy on the hors d’oeuvres, at least 10 – 12 per guest)
If you are having a hors d’oeuvre or dessert reception, include that information on the invitation to make guests aware that a full meal is not being served.
Where do you want your ceremony to take place…
Your home church, unique location, garden or park district, reception venue, historical site, or your home residence?
If you are planning to be married in your home church, always check with them for their guidelines. Be sure to submit any guidelines to florists, photographers, videograpers, and any other wedding service provider that may be doing any type of work or set up for your ceremony. There will probably be a fee for use of the church building, don’t assume it is free to get married there.
If you are considering an outside location for either your ceremony or reception, you must consider the weather…always have a PLAN B in case of inclement weather. Don’t think of rain only, it could be windy, hot or cold. (Additional information on choosing ceremony sites in Part 2).
Where do you want your reception to take place…
Banquet hall or restaurant, golf or country club, family residence, trendy loft or hotel ballroom, historic site or cultural center, boat, museum, or a farm location? When choosing, consider your wedding style and stay within your budget. Unique locations will always cost more.
Don’t waste valuable time looking at a facility that is out of your budget, cannot accommodate you or doesn’t meet your criteria. Most locations have internet access that includes pricing and accommodation requirements. Look there before you take the time to drive to the location only to find out you don’t meet their requirements (or they don’t meet yours).
Every location wants to produce a set amount of revenue for the event. At reception venues that include location, food and beverage, you must either spend a minimum dollar amount or guarantee a particular number of adult guests. You will find that the higher amounts will be for Saturday evening weddings.
If that beautiful ballroom where you have always wanted to get married has a 250-guest minimum and you are having 150 guests, write it off your list. However, if that beautiful ballroom has a minimum dollar requirement, you could still book the location as long as you fulfill their monetary requirement.
When choosing your reception site be considerate of the travel distance and time it takes to get from the ceremony to the reception…30 – 45 minutes is acceptable. Anything more and guests may not be terribly excited about the distance and time it takes to get there.
When you have a budget, guest list, date, time, ceremony and reception location, it is time to go onto the next step in planning.
The second part of this series will include more detailed information about ceremony / reception location, choosing wedding service providers, and contracts.
Holly Coan-Stasiak is a professional wedding planner and owner of A Passion For Weddings. For more information about the services she provides, visit her website at www.apassionforweddings.com.
|
|